On Dec 25TH, 1997, my family’s life changed forever.
After my Uncle Jim did not show up for Christmas dinner, we got worried. We reached out to him several times and checked to see if he had been in contact with anyone. Sadly, he had not.
I don’t remember all the details of that day other than the low-key buzz of conversation and the worry in everyone’s eyes.
It would have been nothing for him to take off and go for a coffee in another town or even country.
Police were called, and an investigation was started after the 24 hours mark. After 3 months of searching, his body was recovered.
After years of depression, Jim had succeeded in ending his pain. Sadly, that started years ago.
I will not go into all the details; Jim was, I believe, 42 years old and had made choices in his life that he could no longer live with. Promises were broken, and it was too much for him to live with.
Jim was a different person, he was a hard worker, he was a great provider a father of 3 and loved his family. He was the type of person who portrayed not too much bothered him.
I believe Jim hid a lot of himself from us. He was a jokester and loved to get people riled up.
He lived with us on and off while I was in high school and had issues with his family life.
When I think of Jim, I think of a tortured soul.
Jim’s gifts to us were:
· You can smile through your pain
· Never let them see you sweat
· You only know someone to the degree they let you in
· Not everything is as it seems.
· He leaves a legacy of keep digging if you feel something is wrong
· Look in on the ones you love
Jim’s legacy will live on. I will ensure that people are reminded that not every day is good, but don’t give up!
A decision in anger and sorrow affects other people forever.
I would rather you call me at 3 am and talk out your problems than show up at your funeral because you didn’t think I would listen to you.
Jim did what he thought best, and I have no idea what was running through his mind then. For years, I beat myself up for not knowing or thinking I could do something to help him.
The truth is I know I could not.
If someone decides it is their last day, we can do nothing about it.
By then, it's too late, but if we talk about these stories and our struggles, people know they are not alone. It’s the worst feeling in the world to feel hopeless, and I pray you never know those feelings.
If you are struggling with those thoughts, please reach out to me, a trusted friend, 9-8-8, or someone else.
You matter and your life matters, I believe in you, and I see you.
Remember Jim’s story and know that he did not die in vain. Sharing his story helps others know they can find a solution to their problems. You are never alone.
With love and gratitude,
Dorothy
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