Did that get your attention? Although I have never read the Charles Dickens novel, I have created or expected great expectations in my life.
The last couple of months this is all I hear, the word expectations. I put them on myself, I have put them on my husband, my coworkers, my employer, and other family members. My lessons have been swift, but then again, I am open to learning and healing what should not be there.
Sometimes we put expectations on ourselves that are so unrealistic and then we wonder why the pressure is too great and we feel like we have let ourselves down in a massive way. I have a quote that I have had in my head from the great Wayne Dyer, “be open to everything and attached to nothing”. That quote has helped me get through some tough times lately.
You see, I expect a lot of out myself, so why would I not expect that from others as well. The thing is if we put an expectation on others, it is like we are playing GOD. I had a great friend recently give me some advice, the expectations I was putting on my husband to be a certain way was what was putting a wedge between us, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. That is the thing, those sneaky little buggers just crawl right up into your life and create havoc and until your life isn’t going the way you want it to go is when you realize damn something isn’t right.
I got married very late in life, some say I am set in my ways, and I have had 40 years of being extremely independent before I met my husband. So, to say I can do most things by myself is an understatement and I grow up with a very handy father and brother. So that is what expected a husband should be like. I expected that every man can cook, clean, make phone calls, do dishes, do laundry and takes care of the kids, and work hard since that is what I grow up with my entire life. All my dad wanted to be a father growing up and my mom picked an amazing man because he does it all! My dad has always taken care of my mom so that is what I expected from my marriage. I thought all men were like that, till I started dating. Then my world of disillusion started to happen, slowly that dream cloud was burst like a wet balloon! By the way, my mom does take care of my dad as well. Especially now when they are both older and needing more help.
So those expectations I was telling you about, well I decided that I would try an experiment. I would try to just accept everything the way it was supposed to be, how it happened was the way things were supposed to happen. I just let go of all expectations and started to be in life, instead of doing life. That may be hard to understand but here it is in a nutshell, I like to control everything! Yes, you heard that right, I am a control freak. I have always had to take care of things, people come to me for advice, something happens I am the first-person people my family goes to. I make all the decisions because I have had to, no one else wanted to make them, so I enabled them to be in the dream life and I turned out to be a control freak that needed to know what was going to happen at every moment. I had no idea how bad I had gotten until I started to notice things. I would get a gentle nudge from God saying, “did you just do that”? I was like wow; I took a step back and admitted right there I was a CONTROL freak. After 44 years of that, it is hard to break. But I am making myself conscious of the fact when I can identify it and take a step back.
This past weekend was one of the best I have had in a long time, with Covid and with family issues and work issues and business issues I needed a break, my husband and I made plans about a month ago to go to a bush party with a live band and everything, I was looking so forward to it when I get the dreaded text message from my husband “I have a problem”. My throat closed and me thinking he is hurt, I said “what happened”, he said, “my boss is on vacation this week, I didn’t find out till just now”. So, I knew right away our plans would have to change from the original plan. Keep in mind folks, even weeks ago I would have been upset about that because we never usually get to plan anything like that with just the two of us.
My next text was, “so does that mean we only go for a bit and come home?” his next words “or we can have a date night”. I was shocked, my husband is NOT a planner. So, I asked, “what do you have in mind for a date”? His response was, “how about a walk, and dinner and a movie”? So, we picked date night, again I just went with what was happening and didn’t question anything. I know shocking right!
Turns out there was not a movie playing either of us liked so plot twist! He said, “how about golfing and then ½ price apps at Chuck's, instead of dinner and a movie”. Keep in mind, I have not golfed in over 20 years, and I SUCK at it. But it was something he enjoys and to me, if we are doing it together, I didn’t care. Turns out to be one of the best dates we have had. We even learned to communicate better on the golf course, I asked questions and when he seemed defensive, I would just remind him, I was not questioning him, I was questioning why things are done that way. Yes, I have a very analytical brain, so I need to know why and how things work. It even carried over into the next day and we were still doing things together. Point is, if you just let go and start being life instead of doing life, life becomes amazing!
Who knew! Well friends, hope you learned something out of my life corrections. Step back, take a deep breath and just be open to everything and attached to nothing and I can’t wait to hear how your journey goes.
Don’t forget to catch more life lessons on my YouTube channel Unstoppable Overcomers, and if you’re interested in my Unstoppable You group course you can find the information at www.unstoppableovercomers.com it will be fun and life-changing.