Recently my family and I had a rather significant loss. For those of you that have been following my journey with my father and his cancer story his journey ended September 14th, 2021, at 12:53 am. To say this has been life-changing is an understatement. Trying to live without your best friend, the one that taught you everything you know has been a bit difficult.
For those of you that have lost anyone to cancer and have been there for the final stages of life, you understand how incredibly hard it was to see him go downhill so quickly. To see him suffer, to watch his chest move, then stop then move again. To listen to him ask for water but he can’t swallow so you can only wet a sponge to give a bit of relief. To see the man that was once full of life only be a former shell of himself was the most devasting thing to watch for 9 days. His heart was the last thing to give out and the biggest part of him.
In those 9 days though I learned a lot about myself, how much I can take before I cried for mercy. I have never prayed so hard for a miracle and then when it was apparent it was not to be, to pray for his suffering to end. I learned just how hard it was to watch my mother lose her best friend and the only man she has ever loved, they were married for 47 years and together for 50. She was 15 years old when she met my dad, and they were inseparable ever since.
I learned that we all go through suffering of some kind, and I truly believe that we do so that we can help other people go through similar situations.
I learned that I should have known better than to count my dad out when the nurse thought he would not live past the 3rd day. That night was the worse of them all, I had prepared myself, this was it his suffering would end and mine would begin. We said our goodbyes several times, I got a big hug as did everyone else and we are waiting, we watched his chest move and we waited. I had to leave Thursday I could not take another night like that Wednesday night. He stayed because wanted another date night with my mom. They had a show they always watched together on Thursday nights, that night my husband and tried to find some normal so we watched football, which is what is usually on our tv, so I did get a bit of normal that night. And still, we waited.
I learned that I could count on my family and friends, I had people messaging me and praying for us and I know I could not have gotten through it without their support.
I learned that you could numb out, that sometimes when a situation is so traumatic it’s like your emotions shut off to protect you. A shield or hedge of protection, so you don’t lose your sanity. It’s been over a month and there are times I still do not think this is real, that he has just been in the hospital and waiting for us to pick him up or that he will walk through the door any minute.
I have learned that life continues to move on no matter how devasted you are, that life is temporary. We are only here for a short time, and I pray that your time here is very impactful! That you use it wisely, that you have no regrets. That you share your story because it could save someone else’s life. That by sharing your story that person doesn’t feel so alone in their suffering. We are all connected to each other and were sent here to help others if you so choose to do so.
I have learned that without God I know I would never have made it through this season or really through any of the other hard times. Sometimes you must take life moment by moment to get through the day.
And my last lesson for this season is that I didn’t die of a broken heart, but it sure hurts sometimes. I have never wanted a direct connection to heaven as I do right now. My dad always listened to my problems, always gave advice, and always was there for me, what I would not give to be able to have another conversation with him. Until we met again, I will have to take comfort in knowing that he is always with me wherever I go.
If you or someone you know has gone through a similar time in life or are going through it right now, please reach out. I am here for you. I will listen, sometimes that is all anyone really needs is to be heard. I have also started a support group on Facebook, it is a private group for members that are cancer survivors or family members of someone who has lost their battle, or people that are going through the battle right now. It is strictly to be there as a support to each other, please feel free to reach out if you would like to be part of that as well.
Till the next time, I hope this has helped you in some small way and I pray many blessings upon you and your family. Please share this with anyone you know that you think could benefit from it and have an amazing day!